Family of 3 get invited on Hawaii vacation with in-laws, husband insists on going alone with 6-year-old daughter because of wife's flight anxiety: 'She says she can't go that long without her daughter'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Aug 6, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

With the sheer number of scary stories about airplanes that have been hitting the headlines in the past couple of years, there has never been a time when those with aerophobia have felt more justified. It is all too easy for those who are anxiously inclined to think about all the potential there is for things to go wrong when they choose to fly somewhere.

That being said, the old 'flying is safer than driving' statistic still remains true, and horrible as it is to be scared of travelling on a plane, those who avoid it because of their fear are going to miss out on those opportunities that only aviation makes possible.

In this international day and age, it is not unlikely that a fear of flying is going to cause some issues somewhere down the line. The difficulty arises in others being sensitive to this, but also being able to fulfil their own desires.

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  • AITAH for telling my wife my daughter and I are going on vacation with or without her?

    I (45m) and my wife (40f) (married 15 years) have not had a great relationship with my family. Recently an opportunity arose allowing us all to go to Hawaii for 10 days. We are from the Midwest and not rich by any means so this is most likely our last/only opportunity to go visit the islands. Our flights and lodging would be paid for, we just have to pay for our food, acitivies and local travel (car rental, Uber, etc).
    via Additional_Way_2101

  • One dad felt torn between these two options when his side of the family invited him, his wife, and their 6-year-old daughter on a once-in-a-lifetime trip to Hawaii. 

    His wife initially accepted the plans, but her anxiety issues and fear of flying got worse after doing so. In response, her husband suggested going to the doctor for medication that might help, and also told her that he and their daughter would be going with or without her.

    In response, his wife claimed that being apart from her child for that long would make her anxious. The husband wasn't sure if he was doing the right thing.

  • Cheezburger Image 10538952448
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Our daughter (6, will be 7 before the trip) loves everybody, and especially one of the cousins that would be going on the trip. My wife has always had anxiety issues and specifically flight anxiety. A week after saying she would go has started having panic attacks and crying fits because she "cannot do this long of a flight" I tell her that is fine, however, our daughter and I are going because this is my last opportunity to go and may be our daughters only chance. Wife says she cannot go that l
    via Additional_Way_2101
  • I suggested going to the doctor to ask for medication to help with the flight when it happens (March), but she is suffering now, when I suggest asking the doctor about meds for now she says that she would then have anxiety about the withdrawal symptoms of coming off those medications after the trip. This is really the only time I have made a decision like this and was unwilling to move off of it. I feel horrible for my wife but I also believe it's best for my daughter. So AITAH and should rethin
    via Additional_Way_2101
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    via Ariana Kaminski
  • Edit for addition information: Wife and daughter have both flown before. This past February was my daughter's first plane trip and she did amazing. My wife was nervous but handled the 2 hour trip just fine. No overwhelming anxiety or panic attacks. That trip was to DisneyWorld with this same people and family the Hawaii trip is planned with. The issue with my family are feelings both my wife and I share, not her solely her issues with my family, our issues with them. To be broad about the situat
    via Additional_Way_2101
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    via Michael Heise

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Commenters understood his decision and offered some advice.

    iamderangedwolf NTA. Her anxiety is a real issue, but it's not fair for her to hold your daughter back from a once-in-a- lifetime experience. The fear of withdrawal from a short term prescription sounds like an excuse to avoid dealing with the actual problem. You're doing the right thing for your kid.
    via iamderangedwolf
  • spirosoflondon NTA her anxiety is her issue and her daughter's life should not be negatively impacted by it.
    via spirosoflondon
  • mutemarmot42 When your mental health issues start to negatively impact others you can no longer deny the need for treatment.
    via mutemarmot42
  • Quiet Mechanic728 The trip is a unique opportunity for both and your daughter to create memories. you
    via Quiet_Mechanic728
  • bodoboi Your wife's anxiety is valid but she's had plenty of time to address it before the trip in March. This is a rare opportunity for your daughter to experience Hawaii and bond with family. Maybe suggest your wife talk to a therapist who specializes in flight anxiety rather than just medication? There are specific techniques they teach for this exact situation. Either way, don't let your daughter miss out on memories she could cherish forever just because your wife refuses to get help for he
    via bodoboi
  • Exilicauda She might also just be rejecting all options because she's in an anxiety spiral and can't actually problem solve at the moment
    via Exilicauda
  • Spilldbeanz99 NTA, your daughter shouldn't have to suffer and miss out on quality time with family, a trip of a lifetime & amazing quality time with you!! Just because of a health condition your wife is refusing to take accountability for and manage. This is on her
    via Spilldbeanz99
  • KronkLaSworda NTA Your wife knows that she has anxiety but is unwilling to do anything about it. Allowing your condition to dictate your life's choices when there are obvious solutions is cowardice. Don't let your wife's cowardice spoil this once in a lifetime opportunity for you.
    via KronkLaSworda
  • Worth-Season3645 NTA....This trip would be next March 2026? So, wife has at least six months to see a doctor and discuss her anxiety. Your wife's anxiety cannot control your lives and right now, she is letting it do so. Your child is only 7. If she cannot be without her for 10 days, what is your wife going to do as she grows and does not want to be around mom 24/7? I would not ask, I would demand that she sees a doctor and I don't think she would come off any medication anytime soon if it is pre
    via Worth-Season3645
  • EuphoricFuture8680 Your wife is choosing to let her anxiety run her life and make it everyone else's problem. There's medication for this.
    via EuphoricFuture8680
  • Less_Instruction_345 NTA. Whilst I sympathise with your wife having acute anxiety, it is selfish of her to expect her daughter to miss out on an amazing opportunity due to HER issues. Take your daughter on the trip. It's not for a few months and your wife can use that time to try to work on her issues.
    via Less_Instruction_345
  • Curious Bookworm21 NTA. Your wife needs medication and therapy stat. Take your daughter and enjoy the trip; the wife will just have to deal.
    via Curious_Bookworm21
  • Consistent-Tip-7819 In NO way am I minimizing your wife's mental health challenges, but you should absolutely make the decision that is best for your daughter. her, you While you love your wife and would do anything for I dont want your daughter to suffer the consequences. Your wife needs to take ownership of her own health. As awful as your wife will feel to stay behind (and honestly it s ks,) she'll feel way worse if you ALL I have to stay behind because of her.
    via Consistent-Tip-7819

  • The husband took the advice on board.

    tiny update as all this happened last night and I WFH: On lunch I talked with my wife, this conversation went way better than last night during the panic attack. Much more calm and she was much more receptive to suggestions. I suggested therapy again and was met with "we cannot afford it" and I countered with "I will find a way to afford it so you can have the tools you need to process your anxiety." Then with we dont have time, to which I replied I have vacation days and a boss that is super fl
    via Additional_Way_2101
  • The mentioned talking to her pcp about taking another look at her medications, to which she has an appointment later this month for general checkup and said she will talk to the Dr then about the medications and her anxiety.
    via Additional_Tip_2101
  • So no real decisions have been made but I did get some really good points made to me on here. Some guiding me on how to approach her on this and how she may feel in order to empathize. Some posts encouraging me that holding a boundary for the first time is difficult and uncomfortable. Some posts offering suggestions on different approaches to suggest to her to help cope. I want to thank each of you, even the ones with yta, for your feedback. There was one or two posts that were misguided but I t
    via Additional_Tip_2101

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aita flight wife relationships husband Hawaii in laws Travel family reddit thread daughter Reddit anxiety airplane vacation
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